Wednesday, February 2, 2011

I'm Not Even Mad. I'm Impressed.

At this point, I can't even get mad. In fact, I am thoroughly impressed. Like genuinely impressed. Not in a bad way. Its impressive like how  actors like Seth Rogen,  Adam Sandler,  and all those other Hollywood shlubs end up in love (banging) the hottest chick in the film.  Or impressive like how Seth Rogen became a superhero (well not "super" I guess but a comic book icon...) Or even how I manage to get decent grades in school when I start my shit the night before (I do not recommend this approach, for instance as I am writing this, I should be writing a critical analysis of something I don't care about).

Either way I wish I was this impressive.

Apparently it takes three days from a a thing of beauty to go to hell. From an empty sink devoid of dirty pots to a crime scene worthy of a FBI investigation. I am thoroughly convinced that I have evil gnomes in my house who take delight in torturing my pure and virgin soul (lies....). I have tried catching these elusive little bastards but alas, I am always outsmarted by those pointy hat midgets. 

When in doubt, blame it on the gnomes.
As an expert, I can tell you that these little, evil creatures dwell in everyone's home. There are different sub-species of evil gnomes and they all relate to some kind of chore that A.) you hate or B.) you don't want to do or both of the above. Regardless of whether you like it or not they are here to stay because they have nothing to do and because they are A-holes who also happen to be the lesser known cousins of the herps.

...herpes for those of you need a 
little help putting two and two together.



  1. What on earth are you complaining about? You aren't even home right now and I cleaned the kitchen early today and it's nice and shiny, besides maybe Andrea's dinner dishes in the sink. You silly goose.

  2. I have gnomes that live in my house and tangle my headphones cords whenever I'm not there.They used to tangle my video game controller cords, but I have since upgraded to wireless.

  3. Also if you get too bogged down I'll send some FH guys over

  4. You better be getting paid.


  5. Also the green hornet sucks.