Thursday, January 27, 2011

Its a Buffalo and Crocodile Kind of Day

The Moral of the Story:
Save your money.
Okay so do you ever wish a buffalo would charge into a classroom with a crocodile on its back and while the buffalo is trashing the room and creating chaos, the crocodile would eat the prof's grade book, computer and paper all in one? Yeah. Today was that day.

I start my day sprawled across my bed, dreading going to class. No reason in particular to dread but it must be a sixth sense or something, or just laziness, regardless I got my ass dressed and head out the door. 

It wasn't as cold as it has been because I only needed to wear one jacket. It was borderline deserving of two jackets but I thought of that kid in A Christmas Story (cr.) who ends up being trapped in his snowsuit, so I thought against it. (Yes, that was a complete and utter exaggeration of my dilemma but it serves its purpose.) Anyway so I was walking to class rockin' out to some Katy Perry (judge away) and you know when you make that kind of gassy, growl-y sound in your stomach and people think you farted? Well I started to get that feeling but thank the lord I was outside. When I got to school I sauntered over to the Starbucks in the bookstore only to see an obscenely long line; it looked like a bunch of thirteen year olds waiting in line for Twilight (cr.) or Justin Bieber (cr.), the crack of tweens everywhere. Well I said "fuck this" and went downstairs to the OTHER coffee shop. 

Two coffee shops, a food court and a restaurant with a full bar are in one location, on campus. Yes, we get drunk and go to class. Progressive. 

Anyway, I had ten minutes to get to class and I think "yeah I can get this bagel toasted and my chai made in no time!" little did I know that my school cash wasn't enough to cover it so I had to use my weekly allowance thus depleting more of my poor college student funds. I hand over the cash (tears now flowing... ;_;) and paid for my beverage and bagel.

Five minutes pass. I'm like "shiiiit... oh man, I'm gonna be laaate" but the fate of my tea and bagel were in the hands of the baristas, who, being dicks, took their sweet time. Well I eventually got my items and I was left with three minutes to get to class. I bolted right off to class when I got my food. When I got to class the professor was setting up (thank god for liberal arts professors. They take their time unlike those frigid, rigid science and math professors...dicks) anyway I then placed my delicious bagel on my desk and started putting the cream cheese on, ready to taste a thing of beauty. 

WELL, guess who is the idiot who put her chai on the corner of their desk? JUSTIN BIEBER! (wait, thats a dude... kinda) No I'm just fucking with you, it was this retard in all her glory and anticipation to have tea and a bagel. Well I failed to realize how much of a bitch those cream cheese packets are and with my fighting spirit and stubbornness I refused to lose to that that fucking tube. Needless to say with all that fighting spirit I apparently had to make a sacrifice and it was either the bagel or the tea, as apparently I could not have both. I knocked the cup of awesomeness off my desk and watched it fall and explode on the floor. 

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!"! My heart was broken. I felt like a hambeast who was just been informed that there were no more pancakes in an IHop.

I embarrassed myself in the beginning of class. My fellow scholars must have seen my state of shock and jumped to the rescue, I eventually helped... after I stopped crying. 

I never got one sip out of it.

1 comment:

  1. Awww hahaha i love this.

    speaking of spilling coffee... last semester in biochem, i decided to sit near the front. i always bring coffee to class, and this one time, somehow, god knows how, i knock it off my little lecture-(not-quite-a-)desk. it floats through the air - the lid somehow falls off in the process - and spills all over the kid sitting in front of me and his white shirt. as the coffee pool spread to the front of the class (sloped room), you could see people moving from their chairs to get out of its way. needless to say, i had an awesome view of the prof that day.